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I Am the Face of Marriage Equality: Aram and Farzad (October 1, 11)

By John "Jasz" Szlachetka

Original Article

In a country where love between two people of the sames sex is punishable by imprisonment, torture, and death, a story of two men, whose affection for one another is stronger than the hate in their native land, begins.

Aram, who is 32, and his partner Farzad, who is 25, have been together now for almost three years.  Their journey of love has had many obstacles, but together they have faced them, and it has made their love strong. 

Let's go back to Christmas Eve of 2008, when fate brought these two hearts together.  Aram, whose family had abandoned him due to his sexual orientation, and who had now lived alone for several years, wanted to make a new destiny for himself and find someone to share his life with. 

He lived in the city of Shiraz, the fifth largest city in Iran.  Farzad, who was from Marivan, a city in Iran's Kordestan province, was also lonely and in search of friendship, and possibly a boyfriend.  By chance, they met over the internet, in a Yahoo Gay chat room.  Aram was going through all the messages on the chat, and a certain line caught his attention: “A guy from Kordestan for friendship.”  Aram responded with a “Hi” and told Farzad that he was from Shiraz.  Farzad at first felt that the distance between them would make it difficult to start anything, but Aram convinced him that friendship can overcome any distance.  For the next month they talked often over the net, and finally Aram invited Farzad to visit him in Shiraz.  This was Farzad's first trip away from his home, and it took him 22 hours by bus to get to Aram, but, according to both Aram and Farzad, it was well worth the long journey.  Farzad soon moved to Shiraz to live with Aram.

Their relationship was not easy, due to the fact that they had to hide it from their friends and families.  Every time Aram had guests, Farzad had to leave their home and go somewhere else, so there would be no risk to either of them.  For 20 months, they lived this way, and found it extremely difficult.  They wanted desperately to live a normal life together, so a decision was made to leave Iran and find a better life.  They had heard of something called the Iranian Railroad for Queer Refugees (IRQR), an underground operation helping the Iranian LGBT community to escape Iran, to Turkey, and then to Canada.  With the help of the IRQR, they left Iran and journeyed to Turkey, where they have temporarily resided for the past year and are waiting to continue their journey to their final destination, Toronto, Canada. 

Their life together in Turkey is easier, for now they are able to be a bit more open with the friends they have made here concerning their relationship.  They do, however, still hide their relationship from neighbours because of fear of possible problems.  Due to the fact that they are in Turkey as asylum seekers, neither of them are allowed to work at the moment.  This gives them free time to spend with each other. Aram recounts, “Our typical day, at the moment, consists of getting up early, having our breakfast together, then taking a walk in the park.  Then Farzad takes English courses to prepare for our lives in Canada.  When he returns, one of us makes dinner while the other washes the dishes after the meal.  We then spend the evening meeting with friends, watching TV, or just hanging out together. Then it is time to sleep.”

As they look back upon their relationship over the past 32 months, they both know what has sustained it.  Farzad tells me, “We both have been on the same page, since we both left our families, friends, jobs, belongings, just to be who we are.  We both know why we had to leave Iran and why we are here in Turkey, and what we should do in Toronto, Canada, when we get there.  Therefore, we both understand each other and have no problems.” 

Upon landing on Canadian soil, both Aram and Farzad plan to nourish their loving relationship, hopefully, marry, and possibly adopt children.  They believe that with the hardships they have had to endure, their love is stronger than anything, and that it will be an honour for both of them to take the next step and get married in Canada.

They are both extremely proud of one another for their bravery, honesty, and big hearts.  They both know the sacrifices that each has made for the other in the name of love, and it is that special bond that keeps them together. 

I asked each of them to give me their definition of love.  Aram told me, “I define love as sacrifices.  We must think of others before ourselves when it comes to love.”  Farzad expressed his definition in this way:  “I think love is all about understanding and selflessness.  When you put someone in priority, it makes you stronger.  However, in the relationship, you try to put your love in priority, and he wants to put you there, and it is just beautiful.”

There is an Iranian expression that both Farzad and Aram believe describes a healthy same-sex relationship:  “If you put two glasses together beside each other, you can hear a noise.”  The meaning of this expression is that every two people who want to be together might have disagreements and different ideas, but the most important thing is how those two people will solve their issues.  Farzad adds, “We are totally different from each other, but we are always successful at seeing the diversity in each other, and building a bridge in between in order to respect each other's values, and it gets rid of all drama.”

Aram and Farzad have many hopes and goals for the LGBT community in the future, especially for their Iranian LGBT brothers and sisters.  They plan to get involved in Iranian LGBT human rights issues, as well as help with the IRQR.  They want to be able to speak out for the Iranian LGBT community all around the world and give a voice to those who have been condemned to silence by their government.

here is an important message that they would like to send to all in the LGBT community who were born in free countries: “We want to remind everyone, they should never take things for granted.  They should appreciate everything that they have been given.  We had to leave all our belongings, families, friends, and country to be who we are and to have something that our queer brothers and sisters were given since they were born in their free countries.  We would like to ask you all to get involved in support for the LGBT human rights cause, and help those who need us, such as Gays and Lesbians in Iran and other countries.  We ask for your assistance with the IRQR, which helps hundreds of LGBT people from Iran who are in need.  We do not only ask for financial support, but for emotional [support] as well.  We need to know that we are not alone in this world.  We are a big global family.  A global Queer family.”

As the new “Face of Marriage Equality,”  Aram and Farzad are a shining example to others throughout the LGBT world.  Love can bloom, even where it may be forbidden, and they have both proved it.  We wish them much happiness as they continue their journey of love to a place where they can be free to love each other without fear of discrimination, hate, imprisonment, and death.  Let us never take for granted the freedoms we have, and let us all work together for the freedom of our LGBT brothers and sisters worldwide. 

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